


Where Did The Angels Go

by FluffyGhosty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Showers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGhosty/pseuds/FluffyGhosty
Summary: The reader is an Angel who has been struggling emotionally for a while. They have a panic attack/mental breakdown in the shower where Sam finds them.





	Where Did The Angels Go

Why..?

It's a general question that can produce a lot of answers. Maybe you're asking why something happens, or why someone does something, but that one word is always there. It's floating in the background asking for a reason, for a cause.

Why me..?

It's a common question. It asks for a reason for anything happening to the person asking. Usually it's asked out of confusion, maybe surprise, or sometimes desperation. Sometimes it's the only question you can think of in a bad situation.

Why did it have to be me?

It's a good question. Out of the billions of people of the planet, trillions of creatures and animals, and hundreds of angels in heaven, why did it have to be you? Why, of all of the things that could have happened, were you the one who had to suffer?

Water streams down your bare back, scorching the skin and turning it red. You don't care though, the pain is reassuring. At this point it's the only thing keeping you from falling apart. It's times like this when you are alone that your mind picks apart your choices, your every previous move, you're entire life up to this point, just to figure out how the hell you got here. Let alone in one piece.

A tear slips down your cheek, but it quickly joins the rest of the water washing down your face. The saltiness dissipates as it's flushed away and down the drain like the rest of you.

You hold back a sob, covering your mouth with your hand. The small hiccup in the back of your throat is quiet, but in the silence it echoes in your ears.

You shouldn't be feeling like this.

You are an angel, created and trained with the sole perpose to serve and protect the lord God. Yet, here you are. In an underground bunker made by man, crying in the shower as blood rushes and mixes with chemical infused water, with your human boyfriend waiting outside.

Why him?

Why would he love you? You abandoned your family, you watched them kill his and you did nothing. He is kind and smart and deserves better than Christ could ever provide. And even though you try your damndest you know it will never be enough.

Why try?

You know it's never going to add up to what anyone needs. It's not going to add up to anything worthwhile. You try again, and again, and again, again, again, and one more time for good measure. But you never reach the finish line. It's like someone is holding a carrot on a string just out of reach, moving it further and further until it's a blip on the horizon.

Your knees shake as your body is wracked with sobs. The pain isn't reassuring anymore, it's punishing. And you deserve it.

The hard tile of the floor is cold on your knees and the wall sends a chill down your back. You don't even try to hold it back as you cry out loud.

You start to pray, which is honestly rediculous. You are supposed to listen to prayers, not make them, but the twist in your stomach is proof enough you need to do something. If only you could dissolve like your tears and float down the pipes with them. That you could get whisked away and washed into the ocean, far from him and anyone else who could get hurt.

"Jesus, Y/n!" You feel the spray stop before you hear his voice.

You can't even look at him. How he can look at you is still unbelievable. After everything he has seen and everything you couldn't do to help.

It's his hands on your shoulders that get your attention. They are large and warm and strong. Reassuring and concerned.

You risk a glance and see his shaggy hair is damp as well as the back of his shirt. His eyes meet yours and you have to turn away. You can't dirty him with your horrible aura.

You fold your knees to your chest and cry, he needs to leave. He can't stay here or he will be corrupted too, and you can't let that happen too.

You hear a small splash of him sitting down and he pulls you into his chest. It's soft, warm, calm. Wrong. If he stays here he will get hurt and that's the last thing you want to happen. If you can't protect anyone, at least let him be okay.

When you try to tell him this and push him away his grip grows tighter. No. No no no nononononono.

You push and fight, but not near as hard you know you could, as you should. Your heart is screaming and banging on your ribs to get away, but your skin and your mind call out to him.

"Why do you love me..?"

Your voice strains and hurts. Your throat is sore and tired. You don't want to be here, you shouldn't be here.

"Because you're my angel."

His voice is so calm and soothing. It's so right it's infuriating. The idea that he could still want you enough to claim you so easily is amazing and terrible. It's sad he makes himself suffer to keep you around.

"I'm not suffering. My life is so much better with you in it."

You chance another look at him to see tears straining at his eyes too.

"Why do you cry..?"

You wipe away a stray bead of water running down the side of his face, wishing it was as easy to take away his pain and fear.

"Because it hurts to see you hurting like this."

If only he could see the pain in your heart at thinking the exact same thing.

"Why do you care so much?"

Another sob quakes through you, resonating into him. His arms wrap impossibly tighter around you and you feel the ghost of his lips on your hairline.

"Because I love you."

 


End file.
